The Evite

Looks like someone took me up on the offer and changed my Evite reply to the following:

I have been doing at least 10 keg stands per night in order to get myself into shape for this party. Not to mention the crack. I hope to offend as many groups as I possibly can and I hope I live up to your expectations.

Can anyone do better? Try it.

UPDATE: The latest:

I made love to 4 ugly women in the last week to prepare for this monumental event. To all you dogs, there will be plenty of me to go around. Woof Woof!!!

I don't know if making love to 4 ugly women is enough to prepare for all the ugly women at my school but... eh... whatver. Now someone... anyone please change this.

UPDATE: This is getting out of hand.

If you whisper sweet nothings in spanish into my ear I will play with your bussy hole. Spicy tacos make me sweaty. Ie popie!

At least I'm certain of who wrote that one.

UPDATE:

I have waiting for so long for this party. It's mostly because I have no friends and every night I go home alone and cry myself to sleep while my pillow catches the mascara that runs off of my face. I'm such a huge loser that I drink myself into oblivion to try to forget my said life. Oh god, I'm so alone.

UPDATE:

Well, it was either this party or snort two pounds of Colombian nose candy. So I figured, why not do both? I apologize in advance to anyone that I may attempt to murder and/or steal organs from for sale on the black market.

Rumors

That's the name of the new song by Lindsay Lohan. aka The New Britney.

Two Days Until Yaz's Golden Bday!

Based on the following description of Yaz, what should his friends get him for his 24th bday? (leave suggestions in the comments please)

He loves his iPod. He drives a Beamer. He shaves his chest. He gets his eyebrows threaded if not not waxed. He's a CU Buff'. He loves football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. He is a Broncos, Avs, Nuggets, Rockies, Braves fan. He will play tennis. He listens to country-rap-r&b-show tunes-80s music-Disney soundtracks. Favorite late night show is The Daily Show. He votes Republican. He loves to cook. He hates to clean. He hated Cambridge. He could be the songwriter for Tim McGraw. He can quote any Adam Sandler movie or any teeny bop movie for that matter. His favorite movie is Ocean's Eleven. He's over Britney Spears and has newfound respect for Christina Augilera. He loves his Tivo. He loves reality tv. He externs for a federal bankruptcy judge. His favorite online poker site is ultimatebet.com. His favorite alcoholic drinks are vodka-tonic and vodka-Red Bull. He hates the French. So eff' Grey Goose. He doesn't like beer nor wine. The guy parks like an asian girl. He hits the long ball. He doesn't do anything he isn't halfway decent at. He's not hoity toity. His favorite "pop" is Diet Dr. Pepper. He used to be a really good skier. He wants to learn to snowboard. He used to throw grapes up really high into the sky and caught them in his mouth. Sometimes he'd miss and it would split his lip. He has some sort of oral fixation. He's a closet tobacco chewer. He's really good at that child's game Mafia. He doesn't prefer Asian women. He currently has a thing for Latinas. He has a thing for LC on Laguna Beach. He doesn't field first base very well. He loves the video of the woman stomping grapes. He got the CALI award in Crim Pro. He's always telling me to "shut it boy." He cried when Ricky died in Boyz N the Hood. He hates Hello Kitty. He hasn't been losing any weight. He loves his family. He thinks he can sing. He thinks he can dance. He knows how to waltz. He loves clothes. He loves to shop. He once got really sick smoking pot. He tries to avoid avocado. If he were a fruit; he'd be a banana because they're at least 6 inches long. He got called on the very first day of law school. He has a six-year old's sense of humor. He doesn't like mustard. He's a lefty. He's afraid of using public toilets. He played high school football as an offensive lineman. He takes his time to dress, meaning he makes sure to match. He's American-Japanese. Ambiguously gay men love him. Girls want to cuddle him. He hasn't hammered in the morning nor the evening. His dad looks at vagina all day. His mom has big knockers. He has a brother and sister, which if you combine the words equils a brister. He was president of his frat. He had a girlfriend that he still thinks about. He hadn't fixed his broken windshild in over a year. He doesn't like tomatoes. He's a bussy, which means he has a lot of girl friends but no girlfriend. He loves sushi. He has acquired the taste of eating tuna. He still likes to watch old episodes of Saved by the Bell and Boy Meets World. He wears glasses from time to time. He has contact lenses that he rarely uses. He doesn't know Japanese. He's learning spanish one word at a time. He prefers FoxNews over CNN. He's a night owl, not a morning person. He doesn't drink coffee, he drinks white chocolate latte from Coffee Bean & Tea. He isn't afraid to wear pink. He idolizes Diddy and Usher. Sand hill kicked his ass. He has a high-pitched laugh. He can't stop making jokes. An example of a pet peeve of his; "It's the Lakers vs. Denver tonight." He's on ITAP. He's on SBA. He's not in APALSA. He drives really fast. He has a two bedroom condo that he shares with Patrick. He likes to poker and liquor. He's trying to find someone to hold hands with. He does not blow goat's ass.

(a special thank you to Sean for his contributions to this post)

Now You Can Be Me

NDC alerted me to the fact that if you click on the link contained herein this post you'll be able to change my reply/comment to the Evite. Knock yourselves out but be sure to make me laugh in the process.

I Wonder...

If I can be a Tim McGraw fan without being a country music fan.

Last Night

The Apprentice at T&A's, doggie-erotica, gin & tonic not mixed but not watered down like at the bars, T polishes off her drink first, midget lawyer girl gets fired because she acts like a lawyer, men who have done Britney Federline are still hot, worst pile of cookie crumbs ever, can't find a 24-hour coffeeshop, Snood gets some play, head back to school before car gets towed away as a bomb threat to Justice Kennedy's arrival, head to IHOP, A is "irritated", turnaround back to T&A's, tea bag, Brown v. Hercules, magic stick gets put into slot again, wine, "would you rather" game, girls are cynical about love, guys are the romantics, A enjoys walking all over men, now do a jumping jack on it, Ugly Asian Chick, Westminster Kennel Show, doggy judges check, cough and turn to the left please, would you like to check Brian?, bussy, puedo mezclo tu ensalada?, quote your favorite passage, raccoon eyes, guitar playing

If I had a hammer
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening
All over this land

Quote This

"That's not a 'make out', that's a 'hit that'." - Sean

How Bored Am I?

I just changed my reply to SWLAW's upcoming Happy Hour Evite. Not to say that I'm not going now, but to change the comment I left. I'll probably end up doing this several times.

Southwesterners,

I think it's about time for our annual visit/drunk-fest at Wood Ranch in The Grove. Last year's event was a sweeping, vomiting success, and we should leave this year no different. For all you Second Years that attended, you know how much fun it was, so this message will be aimed at the First Years.

1L Peeps: What better way to get to know the rest of your classmates than through some good, old fashioned, alcohol-induced fun at the local speakeasy? Finals will be rapidly approaching, so this might be your last, real chance to go out and have some fiz-un before the hunkering-down commences. Plus, this will be the perfect opportunity for you to attempt to make out with the boy/girl of your choice (you know...the one you've been staring at, longingly, instead of listening to whether or not A has any vested interest in Blackacre).

Honestly, though, law-school becomes a lot easier and more laid back the better you know your peers. Staying within your first-day-made-cliques is a sure-fire way to scholastic apathy. The Wood Ranch event always has stellar turn-out, PLUS it's immediately after classes are over on Thursday. After your 2:00 session ends, get in your cars and head on over to the Grove; most people tend to stay real, real late, anyway, so don't throw a hissy-fit if you can't get there until 9:00 or after.

Evening Students: As stated lines previous, people will be there even after your latest class lets loose. So, come on over and have an ass-slappin' good time.

Oh...and witty, sarcastic "RSVP's" are mandatory.

Justice Kennedy's Arrival Draws Nearer

And it's going to be a pain in the ass. Upper level parking is closed for the day. That's half of the student parking taken away. The school is providing valet parking. Does that mean the students should have tip money ready? And what about students who keep their books in their car? Just have the valet run out each time between classes to get your car so you can get your books? And just where are they going to park these cars? Somewhere in Koreatown is the guess. I wonder if that parking lot is going to be secured.

We Were Both Right, But I'm More Right

Regarding a conversation I had with Angela last night, one would think that by reading the following she would be right.

the common wisdom that men are more likely than women to prefer younger mates and to put a high premium on looks, and that women are more likely to prefer mates with good financial prospects, is no mere stereotype.

And that's apparently backed up with some hard data. But from an earlier post of the blogger, he and I are in agreement.

surely there is no contradiction between wanting a kind, understanding, and intelligent mate and wanting that mate to also be either "good looking" or "financially sucess[ful]"--factors which may become less important once you get to know someone but may strongly influence who one is willing to date to begin with

So yeah... I'm more right.

No Excuse, Just Really Horny

I don't know what it says about my reputation but at least Soup put me in some good company.

I guess this means reputation warranted.

UPDATE: Clicking on the image will now take you to the quiz.

Quote This

"You're so hoity toity." - Brian

Third-Tier Conversation

Law Student #1: How do you spell hoity toity?
Law Student #2: Just put Kate Walker in quotes.

Another Reason Not To Date Asian Girls

Here. The video is a little unstable and the content is completely disturbing but kinda funny.

No Excuse For Those Late Night Visits Now

Not that I've tried to excuse myself.
For more info.

Forget Threats Of Soap In The Mouth

Too much swearing can make men impotent and women develop male characteristics including facial hair and extra muscles.

Shit!Shoot! But then you read on in the article and it appears that the study was bullshit,

According to research by Russian scientist Gennady Cheurin and his team at the Centre for Ecological Safety and Survival in Yekaterinburg, the research was based on the popular belief that water has a type of "memory" that can be influenced by positive and negative forces.

Cheurin said that his team had sworn at a glass of water for several hours and then poured it over wheat seeds. Only 48 per cent of those seeds which were watered with the "foul" water sprouted as opposed to 93 per cent of seeds watered with holy water taken from natural springs.

Are you fucking kidding me? Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck. But then the article goes on to state,

Cheuring said: "We then looked at heavy swearers and others who never used bad language, and found whenever men use these words in their daily life, this immediately leads to sexual dysfunctions, i.e. impotence. If a woman uses these words in her daily speech, she slowly begins transforming into a man, getting more hair and muscles."

Effin' A' I'm confused. Good study? Bad study? Aw fuck it, it's not like I'm getting some anytime soon.

This Blog Is SoCal Friendly

It's bilingual. Try to keep it in the pants Brian.

My favorite translation: Los fuckers.

Stat Of The Day

A bit more traffic is being directed to this blog because of this search.

If you ask me, I think Pres. Bush will garner more than 300 electoral votes. But what do I know?

Quote This

"You're okay so-so" - Brian

Being A Law School Dropout

Might not be such a bad thing after all.

I Wonder...

If other mentors are going through what I'm going through right now.

Sage Advice #5 For My Mentees

Don't take on more than two mentees.

Sage Advice #4 For My Mentees

Like it or not, life must take a backseat to law school if one is to succeed in their studies.

If Law School Doesn't Work Out II

I could always just take one of Mark Cuban's ideas and run with it.

Broadcast.com billionaire, Dallas Mavericks owner, and "Benefactor" star Mark Cuban is giving away a bunch of ideas for new businesses on his blog. They're potentially patentable, he says, but he's not inclined to file.

By the way, The Benefactor is a terrible show and Bunny rightly left it off of her list much to Brian's dismay.

Flu shot craze

Chances are if you aren't in a high risk group - such as the elderly, infants and people with chronic illnesses - you won't be getting the vaccine this year. This in turn creates enormous traffic congestion and incredibly long lines at places that are administering the flu shot. It's caused a hysteria in people. A hysteria that I don't understand (since I don't fall in any of the high risk group). But if I were in one of the high risk groups, instead of becoming hysterical, I would buy some books, movies, and games; stay indoors during the entire flu season; and allow only healthy people into my home.

Speculation: The people who are administering the shots probably aren't in the high risk group but have administered it to themselves and their loved ones. Effers.

Not Very Fond Of The Brits

The Brits have started a letter writing campaign trying to convince voters in a swing county in the swing state of Ohio to vote against President Bush. An example of one those letters is excerpted here.

Don't be so ashamed of your president: the majority of you didn't vote for him. If Bush is finally elected properly, that will be the time for Americans travelling abroad to simulate a Canadian accent. Please don't let it come to that. Vote against Bin Laden's dream candidate. Vote to send Bush packing.

Now that all other justifications for the war are known to be lies, the warmongers are thrown back on one, endlessly repeated: the world is a better place without Saddam. No doubt it is. But that's the Tony Martin school of foreign policy [Added by Guardian: Martin was a householder who shot dead a burglar who had broken into his house in 1999]. It's not how civilised countries, who follow the rule of law, behave. The world would be a better place without George Bush, but that doesn't justify an assassination attempt. The proper way to get rid of that smirking gunslinger is to vote him out. . . .

That's from a Brit who - to take from Vanessa - has a lot more academic credentials than I do. By the way, here's the punchline.

Linda Rosicka, director of the county's Board of Elections, thinks the rampaging Brits will have little effect. "The American Revolution was fought for a reason," she remarked drily.

Quote This

"I'd much rather bitch about not having a job than actually have one." - Soup

What A Guy Wants

It starts with a request for videogame recommendations and leads to this interesting thread that starts with videogame recommendations, then moves on to career advice, and ends with porn.

Yeah, it's a guy thing.

Quote This

"I can't be responsible for things I do." - Angela

Awww... Look At The Cute 1Ls

They figured out how to play Law School Bingo.

Which Will Conclude First?

The Red Sox - Yankees game? The Astros - Cardinals game? Or my stay in law school?

Friendster

So Friendster came up in conversation again and this time I found out that a large segment of the SWLAW population is on the damn thing. So I got my cousin to invite me. Now I'm on it, so go find me already. Still working on the profile.

UPDATE: Apparently, most of those in that large segment I spoke of, don't like to associate themselves with SWLAW on their profile - gee, I wonder why. Fuckers are hard to find and it's not really worth the effort.

What The Fuck Am I Doing In Law School!

I should be doing this instead. Or maybe not.

Since 1980, 436 people have registered for the apprentice program -- known as law office study -- with the State Bar of California, and only 64 have passed the bar exam. Bar officials estimate that fewer than 30 people are pursuing the program at any given time.

It is a tough way to go. In the last seven years, about 20 percent of those who studied law as apprentices have passed the bar. That compares with slightly more than 50 percent of those who attended accredited law schools.

Bunny's Top Five Shows On TV

At the moment. In no particular order.

Dead Like Me [Sundays 10pm Showtime]
Desperate Housewives [Sundays 9pm ABC]
Scrubs [Tuesdays 930pm NBC]
Las Vegas [Mondays 9pm NBC]
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation [Thursdays 9pm CBS]

Note: Times are in pacific time-zone.

Annoyed

Misplaced my Chemerinsky book. Where the fuck could it be?

Texas Hold 'em Poker Rules

For future reference: Players can use any combination of seven cards -- the five community cards and the two hole cards known only to them -- to form the best possible five-card Poker hand. Meaning you can combine one hole card with four of the community cards.

Must Be Part Of His Heisman Campaign

Matt Leinart with a blog? Somebody has to be ghostwriting it.

Stupid Canadians

I wonder if saying that is a crime in Canada yet.

If Law School Doesn't Work Out

I can apply for a position with these guys.

Ah Ha!!

I finally figured out the benefit of double ovens. Today for lunch, I wanted to make some chicken nuggets and Tater Tots (yes, I am a five year old), but I ran into a little problem. First the tater tots take about 20 minutes to make and require an oven temp of 450 degrees. The chicken nuggets take 16 minutes and require 400 degrees. So I would either have to cook one, put it aside, let it get cold for 20 minutes, or eat them seperately, totally defeating the purpose of making them. What is a single oven owner to do?

Is It Wrong...

that I use the shower stall at my school's gym intended for use by the handicapped/disabled?

I've never seen a handicapped person using the gym. And it's a really nice stall. It's extra large and it kinda has its own personal changing area. It has two shower heads, one of them a mobile shower head. It would be a shame to let such a stall go to waste, no?

And it's not like the shower stall is painted in blue.

Sex & the City

Sex & the City found its way to the tv last night. Commenting that I thought Kristin Davis was the cutest of the cast members, Sara pegged Tessa as Charlotte. It led me to ask who was the Carrie, Sara said that would be Angela. Sara tabbed herself as Miranda. I offered Brian up as Mr. Big. Apparently, no one wants to be known as the Samantha.

Anyway, it led me - that and the fact I'm trying to procrastinate to the best of my abilities - to find this. I scored 40% Carrie, 30% Miranda, 20% Charlotte, and 10% Samantha.

Then there's this
You're Miranda! You're occasionally too cynical for your own good, but you've got a high-powered professional streak that makes you extremely focused towards achievement. You're intelligent, sarcastic, and you, generally speaking, know exactly what you want.


Which 'Sex and the City' Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The cynical, sarcastic stuff is dead-on but the focused, professional, intelligent, knowing what I want stuff isn't.

Call Me...

Chicken Man?!

You spit out some chicken while talking and you get nicknamed. It's not fair, but who says life is fair? So Chicken Man I am.

Poker Night

It started with 13 players, took about three and a half hours to play and some chicken spittin'; in the end, Tubby Bitch defeated Brian's mentee by a slim margin. Ellisen took third.

I went all in and got called by a flopped pair of Aces trying to draw to a flush on the turn and the river. Damn Trojan.