The Damn Joke Is A Book

Someone Is The Clever One

Bunny responds to this, which begs the following question; what's the appropriate remedy considering that I was in total breach?

Today

At the library beginning to paint my masterpieces because law exams are my art. I'm starting with a piece I like to call Property.

Annie's Obsession

Didn't look so good last night.

Quote This

"A freakin' Goonies line got me." - Brian

Yesterday

Last class for Torts and Civ. Pro. II. Prof. Torts was applauded nicely, Prof. Civ. Pro. II was not but that is what happens when one passes out brownies on the last day and the other schedules a two-hour review session at 4-6 on a Friday on top of the regularly scheduled class. Lunch saw Brian fail at two commitments, which is why he doesn't make them. Robert finally boba'd with Annie. I didn't share brownies after Torts. Review session was a waste. Drinks and food were had at a USC hangout. A few of us went to see Man on Fire at The Grove. Stood in line forever. Brian got to touch the screen for food. There was as many commercials as previews. Movie that started at 10:30 actually started just past 11:00. Made it back home by 2:20.

Quote This

"If I close my eyes that sounds kinda hot." - Wayne

Penis Explodes, Not In The Good Way

From Ananova:

Doctors in Romania are treating a 28-year-old whose penis exploded while he was making love to his girlfriend.

Ilarie Coroiu was taken to hospital in the Transylvanian town of Cluj after his girlfriend, Magdalena, 18, "felt something strange" and noticed that the bed was covered in blood.

Dr Angela Domocos, head of the accident and emergency department at Cluj General Hospital, said: "It is very rare for this to happen. We call it an exploded penis because it happens when the blood cavities in the penis burst.

"I don't know what this couple were playing at, but there must have been tremendous pressure inside the penis to make this happen."

Maybe I shouldn't be closing my eyes around Brian and Arpineh anymore.

Shall I Nominate Prof. Civ. Pro. II?

Nominations are now being accepted for the Law Prof 100, LawTV's ranking of America's most influential law professors [I wonder how many from my school will be honored just to be nominated].

This influence can be, for instance, through academic writings, popular writings, litigation, media appearances, business activities, teaching, lecturing, charitable work, or scholarly impact [well if this is what they call influence...].

You may nominate up to 10 law professors -- including no more than five from your own law school [can I come up with even one?] and no more than five from other law schools.

Only law students [that would be me] (full-time or part-time), law professors (including adjunct professors), and law school administrators are eligible to nominate. Your law school must be located in the United States and may be ABA-accredited or non-ABA-accredited [a standard Southwestern might actually meet].

After nominations are completed, an announcement will be made on LawSchool.com of the top 250 nominated professors.

Then, voting for the Law Prof 100 will begin [I wonder how many from my school will make the final list].

So I Guess Skipping The Dissent Isn't Such A Good Thing?

Ernie advises law students to read the dissenting opinion to a case before reading the majority opinion.

I've heard this advice before -- the primary justification is that it can key you in to the points of contention in a case, and you don't have to deal with the fluff.

[I]t's certainly true that sometimes reading the dissent first can save you time.

Make ShitBegone Your Brand

ShitBegone Value rolls, although they say "pillow soft," don't feel soft in your hand. The paper inside is soft, but the roll is not. The reason is this: Marvin Ferris, the supplier for this paper, is an old-timer. He's about 85 years old, and he has a problem with what other companies do to make their rolls feel "soft". It's called embossing— basically, crushing the paper between textured steel rollers, to make little bumps on it. That way, when the paper is rolled up, the layers don't lie flat. And so the rolls feel soft, because there's air in them.

In some brands, the rolls are 60 or 70% air. All that air uses extra space and fuel during handling. But embossing doesn't make the actual paper soft— in fact, it can make it scratchier. Hence Marvin's position: he's in business to sell toilet paper, not air. He refuses to emboss, and so his rolls are rock-hard. It's a tough sell these days— when young people are used to squeezing the Charmin. But the paper works well, and it's honest. For ShitBegone Value, that seems to make sense.

It's not quite Vapoorize but it'll do.

Today

It started with a quick look over the Property practice exam with Annie, Brian, and Bunny. Then there was a three hour Property session. Found out that Annie was on top of the Unclean Hands Doctrine and that we came up with a subtle argument, good for us. Lunch at Koo Koo Roo with Arpineh, Brian, Bunny, Rita, Stummy and Trini. Hot Mooter made an appearance, I restrained myself, you can thank me later Stummy. Read the bricks. Sean went on a fantastic rant against kissing ass for a career. An hour of Crim. Pro. Wet USC car. Workout at the gym. That was it and that was all.

I Probably Should've Waited Longer Before Entering Law School

It took everyone at the Syracuse University law school a little while to get used to the idea of an 81-year-old first-year student.

A Non-Market Particiapant, A Jawa, Or A Butterfly?

I think I fall into the second class.

This Is Something To Look Forward To

Billable hours.

When I summered at BIGLAW and was getting used to it for the first time it made me so anxious.... You fumble around on a project feeling like a complete idiot, with time ticking away, and at the end of two and a half hours you've been down half a dozen blind alleys and have half a paragraph of tepid conclusions and realize you don't really understand what you're supposed to be doing anyway. Do you bill that 2.5 hours? On the one hand, great, 2.5 hours, that's a nice big chunk of billable time -- great! I hope this will take me a lot longer to finish up. On the other hand, you realize, someone's going to look at this piece of paper and think, "We've hired us a complete idiot! It took her 2.5 hours to do this simple project, and she's still not finished." Maybe you should only write down 1 hour. But where are you going to get the other 1.5 hours? Stay later? What if while you're trying to catch up you're only slightly less clueless?

Looks Like I'm Out $10

But I gotta give credit where credit is due. No, not to Brian but to the Rockies for beating SI's #1 ranked team in MLB.

By the way, the Dodgers would have come from behind to win if they had played a full nine - not that I'm making excuses.

Unappreciative Sumofabitches

I just realized that we didn't give our Property professor applause after she finished up the last class of the year. It was the end of a three hour double session that had left everyone drained and she isn't the most liked professor. But isn't that just wrong? And should applause be reserved for genuine gratitude or given everytime out of courtesy?

Today At The Gym

Miss U OF A - or Miss University Of Fine Ass as I like to think - was there. It made for much better scenery than yesterday - sorry Brian but you're cute too so don't worry about it. Bunny and Annie joined the Wednesday regulars, which made for more hanging out than working out which was more than ok by me. Afterwards, we threw it all away on a single fry, as Trini put it, at Tommy's. The ride back to school saw Annie showing off her vast knowledge about Cholo's - having dated one - and her limited knowledge about this song.

For Brian

Sorry I didn't get to this yesterday.

By Popular Demand

My Match.com profile. If that link doesn't work go here and search for username "UnlearnedHand".

Any suggestions for improvement are welcomed.

UPDATE: Rereading what I put on there is painful so flood with me suggestions please.

Summer Session 2004

Your Registration Priority Number is 114.

That would be about half of the 1Ls. They say you get one good priority number, one bad priority number and one priority number that falls somewhere in between. So I'm guessing that would be my somewhere in between number? Does that sound right?

What's With Me And Elevators?

So it's after Property and Sean, Jeff, Sally, Yanna, Brian, Bunny, and I piled into the elevator -after some talk about the origin of stroganoff, looks like I was right - and rode it up to the sixth floor to get down to the first floor. As we stopped at the sixth I saw my Fan Club and tried to hide behind this really huge guy to no avail. Also to make into the elevator were Liz and Aylin. So Caroline saw me and the following conversation - to the best of my recollection - ensued:

Caroline (to me and everyone else in the elevator): Hey Wayne, I slapped Liz's ass for you.
Liz: It was different from what Wayne did though.
Brian: Was it different in a good way or a bad way?
Liz: Well there was more of a pause and a pinch when she did it.
Brian: Make a note of that for next time Wayne.
Liz: But no one could slap it harder than Wayne.

Amid all of that, Yanna mentioned she felt left out and Sally kept saying words of disbelief. As Bunny remarked, I've made a name for myself.

Quote This

"It's because they wear those hats." - Bunny

News Sure To Make Stummy Happy

As Kylie and Beyonce prepare to plight their troths, we over eagerly shake Angelina Jolie's hand for bringing a ray of sunshine to La-La land.

The perfect lady specimen has pledged to keep stripping until she reaches the age of 40.

Gucci Your iPod

If you have one that is.

Quote This

"I was sensing that you were boba'ing." - Robert

Today

The first year of law school seems to be dragging to an uneventful end. Everyone seems to have had enough and would rather just get it over with and move on. Today was just another dull day as we get closer to that.

Even though I had written a note in Civ. Pro. II requesting not to be called on in class, I was called on in class. Instead of pointing out that I left a yellow-star-shaped-post-it-note on his desk, I decided to just go ahead and answer his questions. No point in having Jen, to my left, nor Rita, to my right, taking the questions instead or having the professor going around asking who didn't leave a note on his desk - many people left a note requesting not to be called on today. I answered partly wrong, partly right. I was just happy he didn't call on me while I was snapping my head back to keep from falling asleep.

For lunch, I sat outside with Benilda, Brian, Macy, and Trini. Notably absent was Feng Shui Lady. I forced down half of a chicken chipotle wrap and a few dried cranberries, embarrassed Brian by staring at a girl for him, embarrassed Macy by naming Hot Mooter in Hot Mooter's presence, and said something inappropriate about the graduating 3Ls in Brian's name. Lunch was fun.

Torts was Torts. I think Prof. Torts is done with me after another poor performance in her class - before that class, I also had thought I was done for the semester. The only class I'm worried about being called in is Property.

No Ms. U of A in the gym and although Slutty Asian Chick came in the scenery was lacking. It was a quick workout for me. Five more days left.

Does Brian Know About This?

Does anyone really care?

Quote This

"Why couldn't Rose have dated Barry Zito?" - Annie

Third Tier Conversation

Bunny: Did you see Yao Ming mad the other night? Do you think he was arguing in Chinese or English?
Brian: It was probably Chinglish.

Quote This

"If they didn't have a pimp, they'd be rich as hell." - Annie

I Hope To Run Into These Two This Summer

Two mystery men dressed as Batman and Robin have been fighting crime and saving damsels in distress in a small English town.

The pair have been spotted springing into action a number of times in recent weeks on the streets of Whitley, near Reading.

The Reading Evening Post asked readers for news of the duo after they dealt with a pair of streakers at a local football cup final.

And the newspaper was besieged with calls from residents who claimed to have seen the 'superheroes' in action.
Ray Cox, 61, spotted the caped crusaders at about 11.30am after doing his morning shopping.

"I said to my wife, it would make it a better and safer place with these men," he said. "Batman was quite a broad chap. They would scare a few muggers off and I'd feel safer in Whitley."

I'm Going To Fail

Flipping between the Dodger game and the Mavs - Kings game and waiting for the T'Wolves - Nuggets game. Still have to read for the week and still have to outline for all of my classes. But that's what right before class and dead week are for right? Right?

Remember To Duck Under A Table Or Stand In A Doorway

Russian-born University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) professor Vladimir Keilis-Borok says he can foresee major quakes by tracking minor temblors and historical patterns in seismic hotspots that could indicate more violent shaking is on the way.

And he has made a chilling prediction that a quake measuring at least 6.4 magnitude on the Richter scale will hit a 31,200-square-kilometre area of southern California by September 5.

The team at UCLA's Institute of Geophysics and Planetary Physics accurately predicted a 6.5-magnitude quake in central California last December as well as an 8.1-magnitude temblor that struck the Japanese island of Hokkaido in September.

What kind of prediction is this? Should everyone in the area just up and leave for four and a half months until after September 5?

How Did I Miss Out On This?

Today, humanity stands on the brink. Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, Kashmir, Rwanda, Haiti, Chechnya, Madrid... across the world, violence and horror overwhelm any progress towards peace and liberty. We are a divided species, basing our hatreds on even the most arbitrary classifications, unable to move past our quarrels to embrace common humanity. Since difference is all we can see, suffering is all we can expect.

That's why you should go poop right now.

Because today, April 16, is Poop For Peace Day.

Poop For Peace Day is not about protest or partisanship or politics. Poop For Peace Day is about acknowledging the fundamental basis of shared humanity: black or white, liberal or conservative, Christian or Muslim or Jew, we are all united in struggle against the tyranny of the bowel.

So drink some coffee to get things moving and head off to the bathroom. As you grunt out your morning constitutional, think of the billions of people all across the world who are undergoing the exact same struggle. Think of the children of Iraq and the children of America. Think of Bush and Kerry and Hussein and bin Laden, and think about the fact the twelve hours following Taco Bell are going to unfold for each of them in the exact same way. Think about how our differences are irrelevant -- we're all human beings. Our poop proves it.

Empathy through excrement. Brotherhood through bowel movement. Utopia through undulating butt pythons. Today, April 16, 2004, war is over -- if you grunt it.

I guess if you're going to do it you may as well do it for a good cause.

Comments

I was checking them and saw that Brian went on a bit of a commenting binge last night, commenting six times in a ten minute period. Bored Brian?

The Lakers Should Be Playing Memphis

In this post, Professor Stuart Benjamin of Duke, proposes that the NBA should allow the higher seeds to select from the lower seeds their opponent in the next round of playoffs. Kind of like a NBA draft - without the element of luck - selection of playoff opponent. First, he argues that it would truly reward the teams with the better records. I agree, after last night's game against Houston, wouldn't you think the Lakers would have rather gone up against either Memphis or even perhaps Dallas - this is assuming that Minnesota would have likely picked the weakest of the playoff teams, the Denver Nuggets - where Shaq could more easily dominate helping the Lakers' goal of moving on to the second round? That leads to Prof. Bejamin's second argument that it would likely lead to better matchups with the better teams meeting deeper into the playoffs. Of course, this assumes that the higher seeded teams do in fact choose teams in the early rounds that they will defeat, which is not a given. Finally, he argues that it would create greater fan interest.

Fans of the choosing teams can debate who their team should opt to play in a given round of the playoffs. And it would create a new element for the chosen teams and their fans. If the 1st seed decided to play the 7th seed rather than the 8th, the 7th could use the choice as a motivating tool (“They chose to play us because they thought we were weak. Let’s show them.”) and the 8th seed could boast that the best team was afraid to play them. And if the 8th seed met the 1st seed later in the playoffs, the story line would be irresistible (“The 1st seed must now play the team it sought to avoid.”)

That itself would make the change worthwhile. Thoughts anyone?

Yesterday

Wanted to outline both Torts and Civ. Pro. but I didn't get passed half of discovery before calling it a day. Tried to watch the Laker game but ended up taking a nap during all of the second quarter and fell asleep before the start of the second half. It all leads me to ask myself, if I didn't do much yesterday, why was I so tired that I went to bed at around 9? With all of the studying I have left to do for exams, I have to prepare myself for nights like this and this - with less humor of course. (stole the links from here)