Someone Pass This Along To Niv - That Plonker - And Then Red Card Him

Taken from here:

In soccer, spitting and swearing are serious fouls. Swearing is penalized by referees with various degrees of rigor. This site is for the instruction of referees--it's a sort of English Football Profanity Matrix complete with Venn diagrams. My friend Tony Cullen from Liverpool assures me this is not a joke of any sort, but it's hilarious. "Bitch" is worse than "shit" but they are both eclipsed by "bollocks" in terms of being offenses likely to be carded.

Speaking Of Mr. Turner

He enjoys boxing during his spare time. Someone might want to tell Judge Lew that before he pokes into anymore dimples.

The Oldest Thing On Lexis

Found by a Michigan Law student. Ellisen should be proud.

Just For Brian

None of us were completely right. I think.

SBA Elections

Trini lost out on the Presidency, which makes my position as SBA Liaison all the more appealing. (Note: to the immediate left of this note is what is commonly refered to as sarcasm as another example of sarcasm: Thanks once again Stummy!) The only TVAD candidate to defeat a SW Bunch candidate was Daphne for secretary.

Yesterday

Well yesterday provided many quotes (see below). Let's see if I can put some in them in their proper perspective.

The day began with Property. Macy, for the umpteenth time, walked into class late. Our Property professor has this thing about punctuality with regards to the morning class. In what I presume to be a pre-emptive move on her part, Macy volunteered an answer but that wasn't enough to keep her from briefing the condominium cat case for the class. Prof. Property then came up with a hypo wherein she relates to her cats as if they were like her children. Bill misunderstood and took it to mean that she thought of her cats as actual people.

After Property was our three hour and forty-five minute break. Rita worked out with Trini, Annie stayed behind alone because she was slow, and the rest of us made our way back home. We all returned by 2:00 for Crim. Pro.

In Crim. Pro. we discussed the rule formerly known as Standing (Ankh). When asked about where in the Constitution a certain right could be found, Daphne responded with her quote. Also in this class, Macy raised her hand and was called on but either she forgot her question or thought it wasn't a very good one becaue she responded with, "Nevermind, I was just kidding." Because of that, Professor Crim. Pro. came back to her again and during the line of questioning she responded, "I'm just kidding", which prompted Prof. Crim. Pro.'s quote. Also, Stummy's shirt which was "a FCUK baby tee that said 'Intercourse Activities FCUK Polytechnic' with the crucial letters HUGE right over [her] chest" got attention from Prof. Crim. Pro.

Later that day....

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"You're a big joker." - Prof. Crim. Pro.

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"I'm not delusional Bill." - Prof. Property

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"Doesn't that translate to 'Bad shit'?" - Wayne

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"With a name like that, you must have a nice tail." - Judge Asian

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"It's like Amendment 4.5." - Daphne

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"Just put some Nyquil in her cake." - Bunny

I Am Easily Amused

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"Unless she passes away from now until then I won't be able to go out that night." - Wayne

This Is Scary

"Hey Wayne, they say I'm just like you." - Bunny

Yes, I Am Evil

So the two-day election for SBA began today. I purposefully, didn't vote today so that Trini would have to kiss my ass for another day. Although, she has a very funny way of kissing ass and she did bring this up saying that I owed her and she was now cashing in. But that would also mean that I would have to vote against her slate for one of the positions because Liz is running on another slate - not that Trini seemed to mind.

This Is Why I Should Look Around First Before Yelling

Brian, Bunny, and I were outside of Westmoreland at The Promenade talking when Bunny posed a question.

Bunny: Did you see the sticker on Prof. Contracts' pants?
Me (yelling): YEAH! I'M LIKE, "PROF. CONTRACTS I CAN'T KEEP MY EYES OFF OF YOUR ASS BECAUSE IT HAS A STICKER ON IT!"

Unbeknownst to me, Prof. Contracts had just walked outside and was probably no more than 20 feet away from me, which had prompted Bunny's question. Brian and Bunny immediately turned their backs to me, pretending not to have anything to do with me, and were more than embarrassed for all three of us. I don't think he - at least I hope so - heard me. If he did, I'm hoping he forgets over spring break but just to be safe, I'm going to make sure I'm prepared for next class.

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"Old people are scared to sleep, they're afraid of not being able to wake up." - Wayne

You're 12(b)(6)'d

Taken from here which was taken from here.

[Fox] has given a eight-to-10-episode production commitment to the tentatively titled "The Partner," an hourlong skein in which a group of newly minted lawyers will battle each other to win a job as a partner in a major law firm...

Contestants will be divided into two teams -- one made up of Ivy League grads, the other consisting of players who attended less prestigious schools. Each week, teams will compete by serving as prosecutors or defenders in mock trials inspired by actual cases. A jury of real people -- selected by the lawyers/contestants -- will determine the winner of each trial...

Fox and Rocket Science are in talks with several well-known lawyers about coming on board to serve in the Trump-like role as judge.

If this show is still on when I graduate, I'm applying and hoping that there's a "from barely a law school" team by then.

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"They're like tanned white girls." - Brian