Friday, August 05, 2005

Relationship Question #3

In an effort to help me out, Shell tries to clear up the mystery of women. Eh. I never really believed in any of the myths she dispels. Most of them are just over-generalizations that do apply to some women and men but definitely not all of them or even most - except for that height one.

Here's what I think the problem is: Both women and men keep an eye out for something better and will jump at the opportunity for something better when given the chance.

Now my theory is more nuanced than that much like Sen. Kerry's position on... well... everything. But for now I'll leave it at that. So do you agree or disagree?


shell said...

I'm going to give you the "it depends" answer again.

It depends on the person. Some people just aren't mature enough to handle a relationship. Some people are more interested in material things (which leads them to dumping the current bf/gf for someone more exciting, somemone more physically attractive, someone more powerful, etc.) Some people just doesn't have that strong of a connection (but they fear to be alone, so they'll bolt when they see someone "better.")

Then again, there are those who believe in commitment. For these people, there's no one better out there than their current mate.

Which category do you fall in, Wayne?

Wayne said...

Let's leave me out of this for now.

As for what you say, I don't know precisely what you mean when you mention those who believe in commitment. Do those who believe in it just pick someone and commit?

As for fear of being alone, I think that tends to work the other way. Because people are afraid of being alone, once they get attached to someone they won't let go and in essence they become trapped into a relationship.

And to begin with, is it really that bad to be looking for someone better? I guess it does have to come to a point where one says to oneself, "You know what, I'm not going to find anyone better. I've looked and looked and this is good as it gets." At that point it would then make sense to completely commit with a prenup.

But isn't that how it should be? You date someone, keep a lookout for something better, and when the realization hits that there is nothing better, then you know you've found the right one. Right?

Kim Plaintive said...

Dating should be an economic process at first -- you keep dumping people as you find ones that are "better." Then when you find "love" the search stops. There's no longer a possiblity of finding someone quantitatively "better" because the person you're in love with is so qualitatively "right" for you. Even with all of their faults and quirks, they are the one -- in fact, it is partly because of their faults and quirks that you love them.

I think Wayne is right, that there is a certain point where some sort of (conscious or unconscious) realization hits that the person you've got is the "best" you can do. But with billions of people on the planet, surely you could get someone who's fractionally better if you searched hard enough. It's just that the cost of the search isn't worth the slight marginal gain. You need to pick someone sooner or later to mate with. So you find someone in the proper "tier" that is attainable to you and settle down with them (your mind tricks you into this by causing you to fall in "love," which makes you think that this person's unique traits are somehow special enough to make them the winner over other slightly "better" mates in your tier).

I wouldn't be writing all of this on a Friday night if it weren't for my already having a mate. Otherwise I'd be afraid this would knock me down a tier.