Friday, February 11, 2005

I Think I May Have Found My Long Lost Brother

I'm a complete ass to everyone. I berate my friends endlessly. I call them all bitches. I accuse guys of being gay. I acccuse women of being whores. I call everyone names. I make jesus jokes in front of religious people. I make dead baby jokes. I make child molestation jokes. I'm an embarrassment when I'm drunk (I'm almost just as bad when I'm sobler). When drunk I scream at the top of my lungs. I yell out inappropriate things. I comment on how I want to fuck any woman that walks by. I hit my friends (but only the women).

The above may very well be a description of me. Except the whole "want to fuck any woman" part - I'm usually at the other extreme telling women that there's no way I'd fuck 'em. But seriously, the rest could be said about me.

Anyway, Angela left this comment trying to explain why I have at least her as a friend.
Everything Brian said is true, and that is oddly part of your charm. Part of the reason i am your friend is because, I am always curious as to what obnoxious and disgusting thing you will say next, especially when the joke is at my expense.

Apparently, Angela is my friend because she's a mass... maso... mass... S&M.*

*Yet another inside joke. I'm so sorry if you're not in the inside.


Anonymous said...

I love Wayne Soller. He is like my fifth brother. He walks with me to get boba and doesn't get grossed out as I spit out the boba mucus balls on the grass. He listens to me complain and supports me when I'm down. He calls back when I leave him messages. He likes my macaroni and cheese. He plays ping-pong and lets me win. Wayne pretends to be an insulting, pretentious, obnoxious person, but really he is a sweet sweet teddy bear with a kind and loving heart.

Anonymous said...

That doesn't sound like my mentor...