It's Not That I'm Just Not That Into You, It's That You're Ugly Or Annoying Or Ugly And Annoying

Not that I have women with mistaken hope thinking that I'm into them, but just in case some ugly chick should ever get that very wrong idea it would help to know which signals to send out and then throw this book at her ugly self. Hopefully, the act of hitting her hard with a book in the face is a sign that I'm just not into her at all but if not, she can get a clue from inside the book.

It is not like most self-help books you've seen. Only 165 pages, it is funny and blunt. Its cover delivers the message succinctly: an answering machine, set to a big fat zero. There are pithy chapters on all the ways a man can show you that he's just not ... well, you know.

• He's Just Not That Into You if ... He's Not Calling You. ("With the advent of cell phones and speed dials it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to.")
• He's Just Not That Into You if ... He's Not Asking You Out. ("Sadly, not wanting to see you in person is massive as far as dating obstacles go.")
• He's Just Not That Into You if ... He's Not Having Sex With You. ("Get a big red crayon. Color in this flag. You've just made a big red flag. Good, because that's what a man not wanting to have sex with you is.")

Hat tip to E-Spat.