Some Articles Just Can't Help But Make Me Laugh Like A Five Year Old

Take for instance this CNN article.

The nonprofit Consumers Union says in a new guide to contraception that the seven top types of condom they studied did not burst despite vigorous testing, and all models met international standards.

But results showed that the top brand, able to take the most punishment, was the Durex Extra Sensitive Lubricated Latex, according to the report.

Other top-performers include the Durex Performax Lubricated, Lifestyles Classic Collection Ultra Sensitive Lubricated and TheyFit Lubricated.

A melon-colored model distributed by Planned Parenthood performed the worst, bursting during a test in which the latex condoms were filled with air.

Everything I've bolded either got a grin out of me or made me laugh. And yes, it's because I'm five. But seriously, other than pointlessly hopeful virgins, who would collect condoms to the point they become classics? By the way, way to go Planned Parenthood, job well done.

Consumers Union uses standardized tests to rate the products it examines, which for latex condoms involves filling them with air. There is no accepted method to test silicon or non-latex condoms.

"You end up with a balloon 3 feet tall and a foot wide. They can really stretch an amazing amount," Metcalf said in a telephone interview.

Male readers of this blog - and females you may too if you wish - think about that for a moment. 3 ft. long and a foot wide. Let those numbers linger in your mind for awhile.............................................................................. Now just the male readers, compare yourself to that for awhile.................................. Now you're empathizing with your asian male counterparts.

So take pity on us asian males. You may still have as many asian women as you want. But please, for every asian woman you take, do send us five of your hottest white women. Please, out of pity.