Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Kids Realizing How Good They Have It These Days And Rubbing My Face In It

What do you get when you have a bunch of today's youngsters playing the classic videogames of yesteryear like Street Fighter II: Champion Edition? Some sort of geopolitical discussion apparently.
Anthony (age 11): Why did he get thrown up when he got jumped on.

EGM (child manipulator): I don't think physics is supposed to be realistic.

Bobby (10): It's probably because the Nazis felt bad having a cement fighting place, so they put little trampolines under-

Parker (11): Wait. What do Nazi's have to do with it?

Bobby: Because Zangief is a Nazi.

EGM: He's Russian. Not German.

Garret (13): He's a communist.

Bobby: Then why is Zangief's place a Nazi place?

EGM: It's not.

Bobby: Yes it is-it had a Nazi sign on the cement.

Parker: It couldn't have been. They wouldn't have let that in videogames.

Bobby: Whatever.
And really, kids are much smarter about their finances these days.
[Playing 720°]

EGM: How many quarters would you spend?

Anthony: One, and then I'd be so bored.

Rachel (11): Probably three.

EGM: [After someone dies again] You just spent another quarter.

Parker: This is when I start hitting the machine.

Garret: No, I would've started hitting it a long time ago.

Rachel: I actually think this game is kinda cool.

Dillon (11): You die so many times and you spend so many quarters, why don't you just buy the whole arcade game?

[Playing Galaga]

EGM: Now imagine you've reached the 10th stage, and you're on your last life. Once you die and you put another quarter in, you don't just continue from there--you start all over.

Parker: Are you serious?

EGM: Yep. When you lose all your lives, you have to start over. You don't keep going.

Parker: And you guys back then were OK with this?
Not only should these kids be CPAs but they should also be game developers.
[Playing Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!]

Anthony: If Mike Tyson was in this game, his special move would be to bite people's ears. Then he'd be all gloating about it, but then the sound's all low because you can't hear him because your ears are gone. [Points at the next opponent, Von Kaiser, seen in the screen to the left] That's Mike Tyson, and he's trying to bite off your ear.

Garret: That's not Tyson. Are you kidding me? Mike Tyson does not have a handlebar mustache, and he's not white.

EGM: So those are the two things that make you think that's not Tyson?

Garret: Yeah, plus he's wearing pants.
Kids also give the best reason for making the violence more realistic and graphic.
[Playing Defender]

Garret: Oh, so the aliens pick them up, and if they're carrying them, you have to kill the aliens and catch the people. [The player starts shooting people.]

Parker: Or not.

Dillon: If you shoot them, then the aliens can't get them.

EGM: If you shoot all the people, the planet gets destroyed. Then the aliens take over.

Garret: Nice.

Bobby: If I was in it, I'd be like, "OK, aliens, if you give me 500 dollars you can destroy this planet."

Rachel: Only 500 dollars?

EGM: Do you feel bad about shooting the humans?

Parker: No, that's my only amusement in this game. If they were, like, more detailed, maybe I'd feel something. But it looks like I'm shooting a popsicle.
Lesson: Don't look like a popsicle. After all this blockquoting, there's no need for you to go read the article anymore.

(via BB - and no, not that BB)

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