Make ShitBegone Your Brand

ShitBegone Value rolls, although they say "pillow soft," don't feel soft in your hand. The paper inside is soft, but the roll is not. The reason is this: Marvin Ferris, the supplier for this paper, is an old-timer. He's about 85 years old, and he has a problem with what other companies do to make their rolls feel "soft". It's called embossing— basically, crushing the paper between textured steel rollers, to make little bumps on it. That way, when the paper is rolled up, the layers don't lie flat. And so the rolls feel soft, because there's air in them.

In some brands, the rolls are 60 or 70% air. All that air uses extra space and fuel during handling. But embossing doesn't make the actual paper soft— in fact, it can make it scratchier. Hence Marvin's position: he's in business to sell toilet paper, not air. He refuses to emboss, and so his rolls are rock-hard. It's a tough sell these days— when young people are used to squeezing the Charmin. But the paper works well, and it's honest. For ShitBegone Value, that seems to make sense.

It's not quite Vapoorize but it'll do.